#001: Pilot
My first compilation of thoughts.
I always gravitate towards writing whenever my head is full of thoughts that I can't quite organize. Curiously, that happens a lot to me. My mind is a tad chaotic, so I write a bunch of things all the time, and my writings are all over the place. That's also fun for me. Writing is something that I believe I do well, so I do it a lot because it makes me feel good.
I decided to compile a few of these thoughts and scattered writings periodically, and if they make sense, deliver them to people's email inboxes every month. Maybe what's been going on around here will resonate with you over there, and perhaps it will entertain you for a few minutes. Let's see if that works out.
So this is something I've been thinking about lately:
Before 2020, self-care wasn't a terminology I used to hear or think of that much. I mean, the concept has always been there, but I believe it wasn't as popular - or maybe I didn't pay so much attention to the subject.
When the pandemic started and everything shut down, I had just lost my job a few days prior. So along with the desperation of needing to find a new opportunity when literally nobody was hiring, I had plenty of time in my hands to go through all of the FOMO, then the JOMO, and essentially keep up with all of the online trends.
In the midst of that, self-care became something I deeply cared about. Drinking water, exercising, meditating, sleeping enough hours, zooming with everybody because socializing is important and I'm an extrovert according to all of the personality tests I’ve ever taken, eating home-cooked healthy meals, having a skincare routine every night. You get the idea. But those eventually felt like a burden, like I was obligated to do it. I didn't take any pleasure in doing it, and after a while, I was like "healthy mind, healthy body MY A**”.
The thing is that I started treating those as checkpoints I needed to cross, without questioning if they made sense for me or not. The decision process to even start doing those came from the outside in, and not from any internal analysis of what I wanted or needed. I started seeing everywhere that self-care was important, and I just internalized it. When I looked inside more closely, though, I started to question why I was doing what I was doing.
The result of it was me adapting these pre-conceived general "rules” to my context so that it works for me in the long term. Although "my well-being” is a legit goal, it's too broad of a concept to keep me hooked. And I don't like to do things because I have to, but because I want to. The reason behind the activity needs to match what's going on in my life, otherwise, I'll just give up. Here are a few of the things I realized over time:
Financial security is non-negotiable
Maybe it's my Capricorn rising, or perhaps I had a rough previous life. But my bet is that growing up in an emerging economy just to end up an adult in this crappy recession is a solid reason for this borderline paranoia that I have. Regardless of the motive, having my finances organized and somewhat comfortable is non-negotiable for my peace of mind and good nights of sleep. That means any other paid items of self-care are subject to this matter because this is the top priority for me. I can only be "good vibes” if my bills are all paid, and I know I'm safe in case of emergencies.
Exercise is my meditation
I don't like meditating. There, I said it. I simply can't stand still and not think of anything or focus solely on my breath. That's not calming to me, instead, it makes me anxious. What helps with my anxiety, though, is exercising. And that's precisely what I need, a moment to decompress in a healthy way.
Exercising to me has two benefits: primarily for the mind, and secondarily for my body - since I spend most of my days sitting down at work. The catch is that because my figure is fairly standard, I don't feel pressured enough to care to exercise for my shape, so I can do literally anything that makes my body move and sweat, without the need for a visible outcome.
I get super bored if I'm doing the same exercises over and over for more than a few months, and this used to be the ultimate reason that made me give up in the past. Now that I know how I operate and what my goals are, I don't need to be tied to one specific type of exercise, and instead, I can focus on just showing up.
Unplugging is necessary
This has less to do with what is usually considered healthy screen time and much more to do with: I can't stand the world we live in anymore. It's overwhelming.
The way things are going lately, even if I'm content and satisfied with my personal life, society has a way of ALWAYS letting me down, so I never get the chance to be fully happy and chill. Reading or watching the news makes me feel claustrophobic to live on this planet. So I absolutely need time to pretend I'm a Janet (from “The Good Place” - if you've never watched it, please do) and exist in a void. Usually, this unplugged time is paired with my exercises or quality time with my loved ones. I'm trying to include board games here, those are fun.
Work has to make sense
This boils down to three elements for me: time, finances, and people. First, what I'm doing must feel to me like I'm making good use of my time. Second, it must give me enough money to live a somewhat comfortable life now while I plan for my future. And lastly, it needs to be pleasant for the most part of my days - which I usually attribute to the people I interact with and how much I learn new things. If I'm going to spend the majority of my life committed to this system, this is the least I can expect back, although macroeconomics is not letting us be too picky on that front. But I always strive for that.
My home should be comfortable and aesthetically pleasing
This sounds so obvious to me, but for some reason, I never see those listed as self-care items. It's about looking at my kitchen and feeling proud of how functional it is for my needs, how I love coming home to the smell of my apartment, and how my shower has the exact amount of water pressure that I like. It's about this table lamp I bought a while ago with a low yellow light that I light up at night while I lie down on my fluffy rug or the morning sunlight that comes through the window every day and makes me want to wake up early to enjoy it. Those are things that we usually take for granted, but it feels so good to appreciate them.
Socialization has to be meaningful
As I said, I'm diagnosed by Myer-Briggs and BuzzFeed as an extrovert. I'm a people person, I'm talkative, and love socializing. Does that mean I wanna be partying like crazy and having small talk all the time with literally anyone I can find? Absolutely not. It's only worth leaving my cozy home and spending my energy with people that actually matter to me. Nothing replaces this type of interaction:
The thing about this whole realization is that it works for now, but it's definitely not a permanent outcome. As I believe we're somewhat a result of our experiences, and as we aggregate them throughout life, we're then in constant change, and so are the solutions that work for us. The key for me is to consistently keep in touch with myself to identify those shifts and adapt the routine accordingly. It's been working so far.
Portuguese Nonsense
Vocês lembram daquela teoria de que a Avril Lavigne morreu e foi substituída? A história surgiu em um blog brasileiro, lá em 2011. Apresentava uma sucessão de fatos supostamente evidenciando o suicídio da cantora, que teria por isso sido substituída por uma sósia chamada Melissa Vandella - que já era sósia dela em vida - para continuar sua carreira 😳 .
Segundo o blog, existem três grandes motivos para se acreditar na teoria. O primeiro seriam as músicas, desde o conteúdo até o estilo, como se ela tivesse de um album para outro mudado de personalidade, e aponta até pistas da nova Avril cantando sobre o luto pela morte da antiga. Bem nada a ver. O segundo seriam as mudanças na aparência, de novo ressaltando o estilo, mas também diferenças na estrutura do rosto, o que pode ser atribuído a intervenções estéticas. Hollywood, gente. Agora o terceiro ponto foi o que me pegou: A VOZ! Vocês lembram? Foram feitos uns vídeos comparando a voz da Avril antes e depois de 2003 e é, de fato, bem diferente. É como se ela tivesse a voz mais grave e uma extensão vocal maior antes. Uma loucura.
Eu lembro que, na época, a história alugou um triplex na minha cabeça pela riqueza de detalhes, a ponto de algumas coisas, como a questão da voz, até fazerem sentido! Mas foi algo que só li em português mesmo, compartilhei com amigos, e esqueci que existia.
Mas, dia desses, esbarrei em um thumbnail de um vídeo americano super recente no Youtube. Um canal que fica expondo artistas e fazendo fofocas do mundo pop, e era justamente sobre esse assunto. Eu fiquei abismada que o asssunto é algo que ainda repercute, inclusive por lá, e descobri que a teoria ressurge na internet o tempo todo. Me senti morando em Marte, porque até a própria Avril já foi confrontada sobre isso e eu nem sabia. Alguém caiu pra trás com a popularidade dessa história também?
SooperTips
Since I had the impression that July was practically endless due to its 5 weekends, I had hopes that August would feel shorter - unsuccessfully. August took months to go by. And to enjoy the passage of time, I use music. Here are two Tiny Desk concerts that I had on repeat for the last few weeks:
Also this one song right here. What a great chorus, my friends:
That's all for today, folks! Talk to you next month.